I've been so lucky to nurse both my babies. My oldest son nursed until he self-weaned at 15 months. My littlest guy is now 14 months and our nursing game is still going strong. It's been a privilege to nurse my babies and I have so much gratitude for the experience.
Image by: Alex Faye Birth Stories
I've never been shy to nurse in public but I'm also not a full whip out my boob at any given time mom, I guess I'm in between. An outsider may perceive me as being very comfortable nursing in public and they wouldn't be wrong exactly. But what they may not guess is how much anxiety I get with my letdowns. This is the "don’t talk to me," my heart is racing, my temperature is rising, please quietly hand me a glass of water and look the other way anxiety. It began within the first week of nursing my first baby and it took me months to understand why it was happening.
After my milk came in, I began to feel extremely anxious while nursing. It would only last about 2 minutes and then the feelings of anxiety would dissipate. My midwives thought it might be related to the baby blues and the early postpartum hormonal change. Another midwife thought it was manifesting around my concern over nighttime sleep and rather lack of it. However months went by, and the anxiety was still with me; two minutes every time my son nursed, which felt constant.
Finally, a mama friend whom I had confided in about the anxiety came across a post on social media about D-MER, dysphoric milk ejection reflex. This was it! I knew it had to be.
Dysphoric milk ejection reflex is caused by the sudden change in hormone levels during a letdown. During breast/chestfeeding, your body releases the hormones prolactin and oxytocin. Prolactin aids in milk production, and oxytocin triggers your milk or your letdown. Oxytocin naturally suppresses dopamine, but when an individual experiences D-MER, their dopamine levels drop drastically resulting in negative feelings. D-MER is a physical response to the sudden shift in hormones, and quickly subsides as prolactin and oxytocin levels return to normal (Cleveland Clinic, 2023).
There is little research on D-MER, but one study estimates only 5-9% of people who breast/chest feed experience this. Lucky me ;)
Dysphoric milk ejection reflex is not the worst thing, and over time the length of time I experience the negative feelings with each letdown has decreased to about 30 seconds - 1 minute. Some people with D-MER see the symptoms go away entirely over time. Understanding D-MER and why it is occurring has been the biggest help in managing the overwhelming feelings. I know that it's simply a physical response that will quickly end. Taking a sip of water or breathing through the experience also helps me cope. However, the most helpful support tactic has been to share my experience with those around me. It helps when they are aware that these intense feelings are occurring and they can give me both space and reassurance while I nurse my little one.
It's also so important to share this information with others! It was so frustrating to not understand why this was occurring for months, and I wouldn't want another mama to be in the dark either.
Have you experienced breastfeeding with dysphoric milk ejection reflex? Have you heard of it? Leave a comment below and let me know! I know I'm not in this alone and neither are you.
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